


Philemaphobia

by thephantomrunner



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28523976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thephantomrunner/pseuds/thephantomrunner
Summary: Alex Mercer has an aversion to kissing, but hereallywants to kiss Willie.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Past Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson
Comments: 14
Kudos: 157





	1. This Kind of Rush

**Author's Note:**

> Hello sweet reader, I hope this story finds you in good health!
> 
> Firstly, I’d like to apologize bc this is so DUMB. My first few kisses were awful and I felt like protecting that onto Willex since they haven’t kissed yet haha. 
> 
> Secondly, it’s 4 am and I was struck with inspiration, so I hope this is coherent. 
> 
> Thirdly, thanks for clicking! I’ve never written a fic about the boys before, and I’m trying really hard to write them without it seeming OOC. Let me know what you think! Hope you enjoy !

So, Alex had an aversion to kisses. 

No, he wasn’t a germaphobe or anything like that, and it wasn’t like he had an aversion to general affection: he was quick to comfort someone with a tight hug, he used to love when his mother or sister would kiss him on the cheek and he would never turn down a cuddle with any of the boys. Forehead kisses were fine, cheek kisses were fine; Luke was notorious for planting one on anyone’s face, whether playfully, in gratitude or otherwise. Sure, sometimes his grandmother would leave a smear of red lipstick on his forehead when he was little, or there was a small spot of saliva where Luke’s lips had been. All of these things were sort of gross, but they could easily be wiped off and were forgotten on his end within a few minutes. 

Alex’s problem stemmed from giving kisses. He almost never kissed anyone unless it was absolutely demanded of him. This proved to be a bit of a problem when he was seeking amorous relationships. 

His first kiss couldn’t have been more awful. He had been thirteen and had been tutoring one of the girls, Samantha George, from his 8th grade science class. He’d been trying his best to teach her Punnett Squares and the difference between genotype and phenotype, but she’d been anything but interested. _That’s probably why she’s failing this class,_ he’d thought warily, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

“You have really pretty eyes,” she had interjected randomly. He gaped at her as she tossed him an oversized, glossy smile. 

“Uh.” That had caught him completely off guard. He had no idea how to respond to that. He twirled his pencil nervously, “You, uh, you too, I guess,” he’d said it back, but absently. Like at a restaurant when the waiter tells you to enjoy your food, and you say _thanks, you too,_ and you mentally kick yourself afterwards because _what the hell?_ That’s how Alex felt after the words had nervously tumbled off of his tongue. 

“Really?” She twisted her auburn hair around her finger playfully. “What else do you like about me?” His eyes would’ve fallen out his head with how hard he was mentally rolling them. 

“I uh… I like that you. I like that you were… brave?” Yeah, that was the word. “Brave enough to seek help about your… um. Failing grade. Which is why we’re here, so…” In retrospect, it was the worst response he could’ve possibly given her, largely because it was so ineffective. 

“Do you think I’m pretty?” She pressed, scooting uncomfortably close to him. She completely ignored his underhand compliment, it was almost like they were speaking in different languages. Could she seriously not tell that he wanted to be _anywhere but there?_

And what was he supposed to do? _Lie??_

Apparently. 

“Uh, yeah, I mean... I guess —mmmpf—,” this time she’d cut him off by pressing her lips to his. He had frozen in place, unsure what to do as her overglossed lips attempted to slot themselves with his. Her forehead awkwardly knocked against his as he felt her teeth strangely graze his bottom lip. He had no idea what he was doing, and it was rather evident that she didn’t either. Her lips were thin, but it felt like they were completely blocking his air supply as she sloppily attempted to get him to reciprocate the action. She was literally, and figuratively, sucking the life out of him. On top of this, she smelled like a manufactured bowl of fruit; overly sweet with a plasticy air. 

It was sticky. It was wet. And it was utterly _disgusting._

He pulled away as soon as he recaptured his thoughts. He could feel the lip gloss smeared on his face; he probably looked like he’d dipped his face in a vat of sparkly oil. Gross. Repulsive. Never again. 

He shuddered at the memory. 

His next kiss had been with Luke, when they were fifteen. It hadn’t actually been a bad kiss, but the memory was coated with embarrassment. Alex hadn’t officially come out to them, but he’d thrown out a few hints and hypothetical situations to see how his friends would react. The last thing he’d expected was Luke to start _flirting_ with him. He wasn’t complaining much though, he’d been harboring a growing crush on the other boy since he’d met him at freshman orientation. 

They’d been hanging out in Alex’s bedroom, the door closed. Luke had been talking about a song he’d wanted to show Alex, a song he wanted the band to play. Usually, this would be something that Luke would bring up during band practice: he’d rattle off the lyrics, teach them the chord progression and they’d improv with various ad libs and harmonies until they had something solid that they wanted to pen down and build on. Maybe Luke was struggling with the lyrics or wanted Alex’s opinion on some chords; there was a first for everything. Alex had shrugged it off. The lyrics had been oddly amorous and Luke would look at him every now and then to gauge his friends reactions. Alex would raise his eyebrows when Luke’s voice faltered, urging him to continue. 

When he finished, he’d stared at Alex expectantly- and, oh, when did he get that close? Luke’s face was only a few inches from his own. 

“So? What did you think?” he almost bounced on his knees.

“It’s really good, Luke,” Alex had conceded, he twisted the ring around his thumb absently.

“You really like it?” Luke’s eyes flicked down to his lips. It made Alex nervous.

“Yeah, Luke. I really liked it,” he nodded, tossing his friend an encouraging smile. Luke had beamed back at him, a rosy color painting his cheeks; he looked adorable. Alex found himself getting lost in Luke’s intense stare until he felt Luke’s lips connect with his gently. Luke pulled back, almost immediately. His eyes had been wide and staring at Alex as if he was asking for permission to continue. This time, Alex leaned in, pressing his lips to Luke’s. 

Okay, so he didn’t _hate_ it. It was a stark difference to his first kiss with Sam; there was no sticky, sweet gloss. Luke’s lips were a little chapped and he smelled like cinnamon and slightly of sweat. He moved his lips slightly, closing his eyes as a weird huff escaped through his nose when he’d realized he’d stopped breathing. The kiss was still wet, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do and-- great! His door was opening.

He quickly pulled away from Luke, looking up at his sister's wide eyes. “Beth! Oh my god,” he had frantically wiped at his mouth. _He thought he had locked his door- of course this is the time his door is unlocked._ She had only giggled, admitting she always thought Luke liked him. He’d wrapped her in a hug, grateful she hadn’t screamed or ran downstairs to their parents. After explaining the situation to her and making her promise to never mention this again- especially to their parents- Alex had sworn he just wasn’t going to kiss anyone else. Ever again. If his parents had caught him? He knew his entire life would have fallen apart. 

He’d concluded that kissing was wet, you ended up with someone else spit in your mouth, lips were either too sticky or too dry, it felt mildly suffocating and like he couldn’t breathe. And what was he supposed to do it with his tongue? Not only did it feel weird, but he also wasn’t sure there would ever be a time where he wasn’t afraid his parents would see him. In public, surely he’d be ridiculed and behind closed doors… well, someone could open those doors and then he’d ultimately be ridiculed. Again. There was no winning. 

He didn’t hate his kiss with Luke, but he convinced himself that he had so it never would happen again.

Somehow he and Luke had managed to have a _thing_ for a couple of months without making out, or even kissing really. He liked the way things were, and neither one seemed keen on rushing into a relationship. Save a few cheek kisses and extra cuddles from Luke, things ultimately remained the same.

Until they didn’t. 

They’d ended _whatever-they-had_ amicably, and remained close, never bringing it up after that. 

And then they died. 

Alex was convinced he’d never have to worry about kissing or receiving kisses in the afterlife, and that proved to be a big fucking positive of dying. 

And then he’d met Willie. 

The problem with meeting Willie was, well, he _wanted_ to kiss Willie. He’d never really wanted to kiss anybody before; Samantha had attempted to suffocate him without his consent, and Luke had completely taken him by surprise, especially when his sister had walked in on them. 

Alex was rather miffed that attraction seemed to prevail in the afterlife, as did crushes. He figured as a dead person, he would have lived his life and essentially learned all the lessons he was meant to learn- uncover all of life’s secrets, so to speak. He’d never had a _real_ relationship when he was living, the closest being his _almost_ relationship with Luke- so he supposed that there was technically a lot he could learn. He just didn’t think it would happen because he was, you know. _Dead_

Somehow, he had no nervous system and he was _still_ nervous around Willie. He had no circulating blood and yet he felt it all rush to his cheeks whenever Willie smiled at him. He had no heartbeat and yet Willie somehow made it rise to unnatural speeds. He had no stomach that could contain metaphorical butterflies, and somehow he felt them fluttering uneasily whenever Willie held his hand. 

He and Willie had gone places, done things that some might view as dating; they often held hands, screamed in museums and sometimes Willie would join them in the garage, cuddling up to Alex while the others attempted to write new songs. Neither of them had made any move to push things foreward and Alex was content with the way things were. 

Until he wasn’t.

They had been sitting on a park bench and Willie had been rattling on about some random fact that he’d just read about bees, when Alex became positively overwhelmed by the fact that he wanted to _kiss_ him. He wanted to ask Willie to be his boyfriend; he’d never had one before and he’d never felt compelled to ask anyone. When they were alive, Reggie and Bobby seemed to have a new girlfriend every week and even when Alex was ‘with’ Luke, he’d never felt compelled to ask him on a date. He had never really understood the appeal. He still wasn’t sure he understood the appeal, but Willie made him want to. Willie made him feel a lot of things he hadn’t before.

It was sunny, and the light shone off the other boys hair; the sun dimmed in comparison to his bright smile. His ears had stopped working as he felt his focus zone in on Willie’s lips. His mouth had run dry and he knew if he tried to speak, his voice would come out high pitched and shallow. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Willie was staring at him, a concerned expression painting his face. 

“Me? Uh, yeah! I’m fine. Perfectly fine.” Alex subconsciously scooted away from Willie, nervously running his hand through his hair. Willie was smiling at him, but his eyes looked unconvinced. “Just thinking,” He added. 

Willie nodded in understanding. “Yeah, dude. You do that a lot.” 

“Sorry,” Alex apologized quickly. He could feel his cheeks beginning to heat up.

“For what?” Willie laughed, but not unkindly. “Whatcha thinking about?” He added. 

“You, mostly,” He answered honestly. Yeah, he was definitely blushing. He was also aware of how close Willie had gotten. 

He _really_ wanted to kiss him. 

“Yeah?” Willie asked, playing with a blade of grass between his fingers. His eyes met Alex’s. 

“Yeah,” He confirmed. “I do that a lot too,” Was he flirting? He was hoping that Willie understood he was flirting. Or at least _trying_ to flirt with him. 

Somehow, though, he thinks Willie understood because his face was closer to his and now his gaze was fixed on the region near Alex’s mouth. He recognized the tension, as it was reminiscent of the time Luke had kissed him. 

Willie’s hand had made its way into his hair and his thumb was gingerly stroking his cheekbone. The expression on his face was intense, but also serene and there was a slight smirk playing at his lips. Alex emmeted a nervous laugh. 

“You’re so freaking cute, man,” He felt his blush deepen at the compliment. 

Okay, Willie was about to kiss him. He was almost 100% certain. “Is this okay?” Willie’s voice was soft.

_Kissing was wet, you ended up with someone else spit in your mouth, lips were either too sticky or too dry, it felt mildly suffocating and like he couldn’t breathe. And was he supposed to do it with his tongue?_

And see? He really liked Willie and he really, _really_ wanted to kiss him. He just didn’t want to feel the disgust like he did with Samantha or the shame he felt after his kiss with Luke when Beth had walked in.

Willie’s face was somehow even closer than it had been and his eyes were searching Alex’s for permission; almost like he was waiting for him to close the gap between them. 

Instead, Alex pulled away and let out a breathy laugh, standing quickly. 

“I have band practice?” Why did that sound like a question? It wasn’t a question, it was an excuse- and also a lie.

“Right,” Willie cleared his throat and inched away, his eyes fixing on the tree behind Alex. “Sorry.” 

“Yeah… I’ll just…” he pointed behind him in no particular direction. Willie nodded rather dejectedly. 

And Alex? 

He poofed the fuck out.


	2. Let Me Kiss You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'Remind yourself how awesome and brave you are and just go for it, dude!'_
> 
> _'You just gotta trust yourself, Alex,'_
> 
> The words his friends had spoken earlier sprung into his mind as he closed his eyes, leaning down to press his lips to the other boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellllo long time no see, thank you for clicking back on my story! And thank you if you commented and left kudos on the last chapter <3 
> 
> This isn't beta read (and i'ts been a while since I've looked at this fic lol) so please excuse any errors! 
> 
> I hope you like it!

When he arrived back in the garage, nobody was there. 

This was good because now he could panic and overthink in peace. 

What’s the absolute worst thing that could happen if he kissed Willie? He tried to rationalize it.

For one, he could absolutely hate it. He didn’t want to feel disgusted and he certainly didn’t want to feel embarrassed. Part of him couldn’t fathom disliking the kiss; he was so hopelessly crushing on Willie, that he really didn’t care and figured he’d grow to like it.

Willy didn’t wear lip gloss, so that was a problem that he easily avoided and technically, nobody besides other ghosts- and Julie- could see them. His parents' judgment was no longer something that loomed over his love life and if one of the boys walked in, that was more their problem than his. At this stage in his afterlife, he’d like to think that the opinion of lifers and older ghosts was completely irrelevant to him. 

His second thought was, Willie was so cool. _Like, so fucking cool_. After both of his previous kisses, he’d felt embarrassed. Embarrassed with Samantha because he was undoubtedly a terrible kisser. He felt embarrassed with Luke because, yep, that was his sister standing in the doorway gaping at her older brother locking lips with his best friend. 

He typically felt nervous around Willie, but a butterfly, giddy, and shy excited- never an embarrassed nervous. He’d hate to kiss him and just… do it wrong. Then _Willie_ wouldn’t want to kiss him, and that’s the last thing Alex would want. That was the third possibility. 

Maybe the fourth rationalization was that kissing wasn’t actually that bad; he was just projecting his past negative experiences onto his completely positive and healthy relationship with Willie… and _absolutely_ destroying it in the process. 

Because, _oh, my god._ He’d just… _left_ Willie sitting alone in the park… after he was clearly about to kiss him. 

He was probably angry. Or hurt. Or both. And maybe he never wanted to see Alex again. Maybe right now as Alex was pulling his hair out, Willie had gone out and found another cute ghost who wasn’t _afraid to kiss him._ So, he’d probably completely destroyed that, like he’d destroyed his almost-relationship with Luke; because he overthought everything. 

He had undoubtedly destroyed the only positive thing he had in the afterlife. 

Willie probably hated him. 

No, he definitely hated him. 

“Woah, dude, _what is up?”_ Luke’s voice rang out behind him. He wasn’t sure how long Luke had been in the garage- hadn’t noticed that he’d appeared. 

“Yeah, you’re like… going crazy on the catwalk over there,” Oh. Reggie was here too; he hadn’t noticed him either. He was gesturing to the invisible line Alex was currently pacing on. 

“I almost kissed Willie,” he blurted out.

“No way, almost? Alex, that’s awes—,”

“Not awesome!” He cut Luke off quickly. 

“Not awesome?” Luke repeated, his brow furrowing as he walked towards his friend. 

“Yeah, I just kinda. Pulled away… and left him there,” 

“Not awesome,” Reggie confirmed, nodding solemnly.

Luke sucked in a sharp breath, “That sucks. I’m sorry, Alex,” he guided Alex to a chair, forcing him to sit. He knew if he let the blonde boy keep pacing, he’d only get more nervous, and then _everyone else_ would get nervous, “Wanna tell me what happened?” He urged kindly, kneeling in front of him. 

Alex folded his hands over his bouncing knee. “Okay… uh,” his voice had reached an uncomfortable octave. “Did I ever tell you about Samatha George?” 

“Like… Sam George? From 8th grade biology? The one who was always trying to get Bobby to ask her out?” Reggie half scoffed, half snickered. 

“Nah dude, she was all over me!” Luke interjected. 

“...or me…” Alex concluded, causing Luke and Reggie to look at him. “Yeah. She was kind of my first kiss…” He didn’t feel like recounting the memory; he knew Reggie and Luke could only imagine what Sam had attempted to get up to, “And it was bad. Like, _I-never-wanna-kiss-anyone-ever-again_ bad,”

“You kissed Luke,” Reggie supplied unhelpfully. 

“My sister walked in,” Alex explained.

“Sorry, dude,” Luke looked sympathetic. 

“It’s my fault anyway,” he buried his face in his hands. 

“I mean, Alex, if you’re not comfortable with kissing him, I doubt he would force anything on you,” Reggie carelessly played with the hem of his flannel, “He seems like he’s really into you, too,”

“He’s so into you, man!” Luke agreed enthusiastically. 

“That's the problem!” Alex groaned dramatically, burying his face in his hands. 

Reggie pursed his lips, “It’s a problem that he likes you too?” he questioned. 

Alex shook his head, face still covered by his hands, “No, it’s a problem that I want him to kiss me! It’s even more of a problem that _I want to kiss him back,_ ” he explained. 

“Uh, dude… that doesn’t sound like much of a problem,” Luke pointed out, “He wants to kiss you, you want to kiss him, so,” he put the tips of his fingers together, mimicking making out between his left and right hand. 

“I think I have a fear of kissing,” he said, a serious expression on his face. 

“There’s no way that’s a thing,” Reggie said, plopping down on the sofa and swinging his legs over the arm, “That's like being afraid of puppies or hating chocolate chip cookies,”

“I’m not that fond of chocolate chip cookies,” Alex muttered, choosing to ignore Reggie's scandalized expression, “Anyway, every kiss I’ve ever had has been bad. My first kiss was so gross I don’t want to think about it, my kiss with Luke was embarrassing- no offense,” He turned to Luke with a sympathetic look on his face. 

“None taken, man, only love for you!” Luke patted his chest, sending Alex a supportive smile.

“Willie is so perfect _-so perfect-_ and I don’t- I don’t think I’m in love with him yet? I can definitely see it happening though because he just gets me. I think…,” he swallowed, emitting a breathy, nervous laugh, “I think I needed someone like him; he balances me out, and I don’t have to think when I’m with him… I can just _be._ He makes me feel nervous but somehow brave? Like anything could happen and I’d go with it… like I could do anything,” he was smiling softly. It was hard to tell whether he was speaking to himself, or to Luke and Reggie. 

“Well, anything except kiss him,” Reggie shrugged absently, pursing his lips. 

“Yeah,” Alex cleared his throat, “He’s so cool and sweet and somehow he _wants_ to kiss me? How does that even happen? I don’t want to feel _gross_ after kissing Willie and I sure as hell don’t want embarrassment attached to it,” his voice was muffled when he shoved his face into his hands, “I don’t want it to change how I feel about him because I can’t lose him. I don’t think I can handle any more changes,” 

“Okay, that makes sense,” Luke was nodding vigorously, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet, “The memory of our kiss was only ‘bad’ because it kinda forced you out of the closet to your sister- which yeah, that really sucks. But the kiss itself wasn’t bad, right?” 

Alex mentally recounted the events of the kiss, the emotions and touch he felt with it. It didn’t last long enough for him to fully formulate an opinion on the kiss itself, but rather how the kiss was ruined because of the events afterward, “No,” he finally said, “It wasn’t actually bad,” 

“See! And you’re a ghost now- you and Willie could legit do _anything,_ anywhere,” Luke raised his eyebrows suggestively, “And nobody would ever see it!” 

Reggie pointed in agreement, “Plus, Willie doesn’t wear lip gloss and won’t attack your face without your consent like Sam did,”

These were all points he had mulled over by himself, yet it was still helpful and validating to hear his friends arrive at the same conclusion. 

“Yeah, what Sam did was totally not cool,” Luke said, “And you and me? I don’t know, I think we figured out pretty quickly that nothing was gonna come out of our excessive hand-holding,” he chuckled awkwardly, “Plus, you just said that our kiss wasn’t bad; it was just the circumstance that kinda traumatized you,” Alex hated how wise Luke sounded, “I don’t think you have a fear of kissing, Alex, because you also said you wanted to kiss Willie. Maybe you weren’t back ready then… but now? You just gotta trust yourself, man,” 

“And, you’ve always been brave- with or without Willie! Remind yourself how awesome and brave you are and just go for it, dude! I always thought you…,” Reggie’s voice trailed off as his eyes fixed on a spot behind Alex. He didn’t have to turn around to know what Reggie was looking at. 

“What’s up, Willie?” Luke confirmed his suspicion, walking over to him with his fist extended. 

“Hey, man,” Willie’s voice was uncharacteristically quiet as he bumped Luke’s fist in greeting. Alex forced himself to exhale as anticipation tensed his shoulders.

“I was just about to meet Julie at this record store she found and wanted to show me,” Luke slipped his beanie over his head, “So, I was just heading out,”

“Me too,” Reggie nodded, “I’ve just _really_ been looking forward to third-wheeling thier date,” he pointed at the door, poofing out promptly but not before throwing Alex an encouraging, but obvious, wink.

Luke rolled his eyes fondly, shaking his head, “See you, boys,” he smiled widely, giving them a two-finger salute before leaving in the same fashion Reggie had left. Alex cleared his throat, finally turning around. 

“Um, hey,” Willie said after a beat. 

“Hey,” Alex replied. He wanted to apologize; how should he apologize? 

“You, uh, you left your hoodie in the park…” Willie held up the familiar pink hoodie, “I was gonna come by tomorrow to give it to you but I felt like I needed to come over before that and apologize,” Alex did his best to keep his jaw from slamming against the floor. 

“I- you what?” 

“Yeah, man. I just really hated the way we left things off in the earlier.” 

“Apologize for what though?” Alex walked over to Willie, gently taking his hoodie from him, “I’m the one who should apologize because I’ve been giving you crazy mixed signals,” something in Willie's face contorted, causing Alex’s chest to wrench in a similar way. 

“I shouldn't have-” 

“Willie, I really like you,” he blurted out, effectively cutting him off, “I like you so much, I’m not even sure how to express it; it’s like I keep a part of myself locked up, trapped in this anxiety… and being around you just, I don’t know, frees it somehow. It’s so weird because when I’m around you I’m excited, not nervous,” he glued his eyes to the soft pink of his hoodie, playing with the elastic on its sleeve, “I get so excited around you, Willie, like insane butterflies, dude,” 

Willie let out a breathy laugh through his nose causing Alex to look up, startled, but eventually allowing his features to melt into a timid smile. 

“I don’t want anything to change between us. You’re the best part of my afterlife and I… I don’t know what I’d do if I stopped seeing you. I want to keep seeing you, I want to laugh with you and scream in museums while holding your hand. I want to do cute ghost things with you,” he forced the next words off his tongue, knowing that they needed to be said, “I want to kiss you. I really want to kiss you, and I _hate_ myself for leaving you earlier, that was so shitty of me,” 

“Alex. It’s okay. You don’t have to hate yourself, man,” Willie ran a hand through his hair, his smile forgiving and easy, “It’s water under the bridge,” 

“No, but it’s _not,_ because I want this to last; I want you to be my boyfriend and I want to kiss you right now,” letting out a breath he turned his face to the ceiling, determined to keep his breathing steady. He didn’t have the courage to look at Willie right now because was it even possible to fuck up ‘whatever-they-had’ even more? He was afraid that he had just proven to himself that he, in fact, could. If it was possible, he would die a second time, but this time from embarrassment. Or maybe he would poof into another void, cry for another twenty-five years and never, ever leave. He knew Willie harbored _some kinds_ of feelings for him if he had tried to kiss him an hour ago, so why was his brain hell-bent on having him freak out, effectively ruining everything for him?

The silence that had settled around them, was cleared by the sound of Willie’s laughter; it started off in a low chuckle, escalating to a quick lilting laugh before completely breaking out into a higher-pitched giggle. Alex's eyes widened at the sound; he was wary and also shocked because this was _not_ the reaction he expected that speech to garner. He was having a hard time deciphering whether Wilie was laughing _at_ him and his confession, or if this was nervous laughter bordering on hysterical. It was the kind of laughter that made you want to smile as well, even if you were feeling completely miserable. He was fighting violently with the part of him that was marveling at how cute Willie’s laugh was- malicious, hysterical, or otherwise. 

“God, I thought I’d scared you off,” Willie said, still smiling and slightly out of breath from his laughing fit. He reached out and grabbed Alex’s hand, gently lacing their fingers. The contact caused his head to spin.,“Yeah, dude!” His voice mirrored the excitement Alex felt. 

“‘Yeah’, what?” he said rather dumbly.

“ _‘Yeah,’_ I’ll be your boyfriend, Alex,” Willie responded, the word ‘duh’ was evident in his tone. 

It was just dawning on him that he _had_ asked Willie to be his boyfriend in the middle of his speech. He blinked furiously as if that would clarify whether this was a fantasy or not, “Wow. Um,” 

This drew another laugh from the shorter boy who was inching closer to him, his other hand resting on the base of his neck. Alex studied Willie’s face, the way his eyes were flicking back and forth between his mouth and his own eyes. He could tell Willie wanted to kiss him, and despite this, he was making no advances to close the minimal space between them- he was waiting for Alex. 

_Remind yourself how awesome and brave you are and just go for it, dude!_

 _Maybe you weren’t ready then… you just gotta trust yourself, man,”_  


The words his friends had spoken earlier sprung into his mind as he closed his eyes, leaning down to press his lips to the other boys. It was quick and nothing more than a peck, but he felt his non-existent heartbeat speed up with excitement. This wasn’t anxiety- that had melted under Wille’s cool touch, instead replaced with anticipation. There was no lip gloss and Willie wasn’t forcing anything on him- plus Luke had a point when he said that nobody could see them. He didn’t feel disgusted, or regret; he felt like the container of butterflies had completely burst, fluttering with excitement and looking frantically for an outlet. 

He made eye contact with Willie, who was looking at him softly, patiently, with a small smile on his lips. 

Alex wanted to kiss him again. 

This time Willie reciprocated, deepening the kiss by slipping a hand in Alex’s hair and pushing himself upwards in the slightest as Alex wrapped his arms around Willie’s waist, dropping his sweatshirt and pulling him closer. There was nothing suffocating about Willie’s soft and sincere movements (although, this could be because Alex _didn’t really breathe anymore,)_ his lips gently working against Alex’s, sending electric sparks throughout his entire body- a sensation that felt better than anything he’d experienced while he was alive. 

Willie broke the kiss gently and Alex didn’t hesitate to bury his face in Willie’s shoulder, pulling him into a tight hug. He felt Willie’s arms wrapped around his neck, stroking the hairs on the nape of his neck with his hand. 

That was his first kiss; any memories that came before this one suddenly slipped from his brain, as if they had never happened. 

He was here with Willie, his _boyfriend,_ and the rest of the world was invisible to them. They were invisible to the rest of the world too- if Alex wanted, he could stay here and kiss Willie… ideally forever. 

_Forever sounded nice,_ he decided pulling out of the embrace, and bringing their lips together again. 

The excitement exploded in his chest.

Yeah, forever was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for sticking around-- I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> A bientôt, reader <3


End file.
